Tag Archive: selfish

7 Confessions of a Bible-Toting Scripture-Quoting Christian

I was called out about something recently and I must admit, there’s no way around it, I was totally guilty. Still am.  Crazy thing is, I’m going to keep being “guilty” of it. At least that’s the plan. And I hope I’ll be a “bad” enough influence on you so you’ll stay “guilty” of it yourself.

You see, I was told, “Oh, you’re one of those bible-toting scripture-quoting Christians!” And it wasn’t positive. Even crazier is who said it, which was — wait for it — another pastor’s wife! Another pastor’s wife!

My immediate response to her was, “Aren’t you?!”

That’s like one cop telling another, “Oh, you’re one of those law-enforcing, peace-endorsing cops!” Or like one employee telling another, “Oh, you’re one of those job-keeping, promotion-seeking employees!” Or even like the Belgium goalie telling USA’s Tim Howard, “Oh, you’re one of those record-setting, shot-rejecting goalies!”

What should be considered a compliment is uttered like a complaint, like you’re doing something wrong by doing what you and they are supposed to be doing. To have that complaint come from someone who is in the same shoes as you — the same role, the same challenges and, supposedly, the same purpose and hope as you — makes no sense and, worse, makes the accuser look like a hypocrite. Their own folly is exposed by the very thing they’re pointing their finger at you about.

I didn’t take it personally, though, even if the sister meant it derogatorily. Indeed, it is absolutely a compliment to be called a bible-toting scripture-quoting Christian. It means I’m being at least a little bit like those in the Bible who staked everything on what “thus saith the Lord” instead of on their own, each others’ or the masses’ fickle opinions and selfish desires. Sure, I got the twang. But I chose rather to take it as the compliment it should be while at the same time showing her her folly by reminding her she should be one, too. “Aren’t you?”

Who she is isn’t important and it would actually be unfair for me to say since our conversation was private. That’s makes her different than T.D. Jakes, Creflo Dollar, Joel Osteen or any other false teacher who makes outrageous statements publicly.  (See Naming Names). In fact, forget that we’re both pastors’ wives. Any Christian complaining when another Christian chooses to rely on the Word of God, it’s almost unbelievable.

Almost.  For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine… (2 Timothy 4:3a).  I was surprised, but I shouldn’t have been. That sister’s apparent diminished way of thinking about the Bible is increasingly pervasive in Christian ministries today. No, I was more disappointed, and I should have been. Something’s terribly wrong in the church when a true believer in Jesus risks ill will from a fellow believer for daring to think, dialogue and live according to His Word, and to encourage others to do the same. I actually feel sorry for her in her folly.

That’s why I must share with you, from a position of defense but much more from a position of humble beseeching, my seven confessions for being a bible-toting scripture-quoting Christian. My goal with this — as with everything I post on this blog and my Facebook page — is to spark new or heightened interest in the sheer awesomeness of God’s Holy Word. I’m not talking about worshipping the bible but worshipping its Author by learning and living by what He wrote. God wants us to be close to Him. But how can we be close to anyone we take little time to get to know? Prayer is essential. Fellowship with the saints is also important. But how can we really love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength if we’re not also hanging on His every word?

Confession #1 – I’m not there yet.
This article and entire blog God is using as much to speak to me as to anyone else. I, too, need to be reminded to read my bible, and to rely on the wisdom and guidance He provides through it. I have to fight the laziness, lack of motivation, day-to-day busy-ness, forgetfulness and occasional apprehension that can get in the way of personal bible study.

But beyond that, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been a Christian, you will always have room to grow in your love for God, your desire to be close to Him and your efforts to put it into action in your daily life. Being a bible-toting scripture-quoting Christian at heart is foundational to that growth. Grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18).

Confession #2 – I don’t love anyone as much as I love Jesus.
I love my husband and kids beyond measure. So, like we all do with those we love, I show them. I show them affection, spend quality time with them, give to them, sacrifice for them, take care of them, tell them I love them, praise them, listen to them. I laugh and cry with them. I cook for them and go to the movies with them, which is my favorite pastime. Or I’ll watch every . . . single . . . Lakers game, from pre-season to playoffs.

But neither my husband nor any of our children ever gave me life — not the life I’ve been living temporarily here and not the one I will live eternally in heaven. None of them died to give me eternal life. None of them could. I believe they would give their lives to save mine, but none of them could ever save my very soul. Only Jesus Christ could do that and in fact did do that. And He did it while I was yet a sinner. That’s why He deserves my complete devotion, attention and obedience.

But God’s not tangible in this earth realm in the same way as my family. I can’t hug Him, cook for Him or root for His favorite team with Him. (What would I cook? And would He be cheering for both teams since He’s not a respecter of persons?)  Thankfully, I can certainly sacrifice for Him, tell Him I love Him, spend quality time with Him and honor Him, all in so many wonderful ways. The most important way, besides diligent prayer, is by learning how to be a bible-toting scripture-quoting Christian.

Jesus said, If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word (John 14:23a; see also verse 15) and Anyone who loves their father or mother [or] son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me (Matthew 10:37). His commandments — precepts, principles, wisdom, instruction, admonition, promises and encouragements — are spelled out in the Bible. So, I have them at my disposal to learn and obey and share as a way to express my love for Him. As much as my family is worth it to me, Jesus is worth it infinitely more.

Confession #3 – I am helpless, useless and hopeless without God’s Word.
What is it about All scripture is…profitable (2 Timothy 3:16) don’t Christians, including other pastors’ wives, understand? My very eternal salvation is affirmed by God’s inspired Word (cf. 1 John 5:11-13; 2 Timothy 3:15), and Christ’s empty tomb seals the deal when it comes to the all-sufficiency of the Scriptures. The Bible has all the authority, reliability and power every Christian needs to live and serve in His Name here on earth, and to have joyful hope for eternal life to come. No amount of inspirational psycho-babble from Oprah, Iyanla, Dr. Phil or their life-coaching wannabes, and no amount of materialistic positive confessions from your favorite prosperity preachers, and no amount of self-determined self-talk about your own self-worth can provide the same sustained level and depth of security, hope and peace through trials like a daily dose of God’s infallible Word. …[Y]ou have known the Holy Scriptures through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Confession #4 – I’m afraid of my own folly and shame.
May I never expose my own folly by complaining that a fellow Christian is acting like a Christian! Nobody wants to be a hypocrite. Of course, inevitably, since no one’s perfect, every one of us says or does something stupid as a believer. But learning God’s Word and doing our best to put it into practice will help prevent such folly and the shame it brings to us and to the Gospel. May I never open up the Word of God to be blasphemed!

It is folly and shame to belittle the very thing the Lord Jesus Himself said sanctifies us: Sanctify them by the truth; Your word is truth (John 17:17). The more I tote and quote the Bible, the more of God’s truth — versus my own folly — will be reflected in my words, walk and witness.

Confession #5 – I don’t want to be led astray, or lead anyone else astray.
I don’t want to be silly (2 Timothy 3:6) or simple-minded (Romans 16:18). I don’t want to be like a child, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting (Ephesians 4:14). I don’t want to be deceived. And I don’t want to be deceiving while I’m being deceived (2 Timothy 3:13).

The more I open up God’s Word, the more I learn His sanctifying truth — truth about the Lord, His character, His nature, His will, His precepts, His warnings and His promises. The more I learn God’s Truth, the more discerning I become to recognize truth and error, sound and false teaching, right and wrong. The more discerning I become, the less likely I’ll be led astray and lead astray others whom I’m supposed to teach or witness the Gospel to.

Toting and quoting the Bible helps to shield God’s precious people from false doctrines and protect us from the false teachers who use it to manipulate the vulnerable. Biblical illiteracy is chronic in the Body of Christ. As a pastor’s wife, a women’s ministry director and a Christian blogger, I don’t want to perpetuate the immaturity that plagues us, from the pulpit to the pew and from the airwaves to the world wide web.

Confession #6 – I want to be ready against the critics.
When someone challenges your faith or challenges a doctrine or practice you follow, it’s not enough to defend it by saying, “But I just know it in my heart…” or “Well, my experience is that…” or “I had a vision about it” or even “But my pastor says…”. Christians need to know, not just what we believe but also why we believe what we believe. And there’s no better source than the Word of God.

Often people criticize just to be controversial or manipulative, or out of pride and envy. But sometimes people really are seeking true understanding, and they don’t care what you feel, what you’ve personally experienced, what subjective vision you think you had after eating that left-over pizza, or what your pastor thinks. They want something solid, something objectively verifiable, something independently credible, not something easily suspect. Being equipped with a fitting bible verse is infinitely harder for the honest critic/skeptic to refute and dismiss because then they’ll be arguing with the Almighty Creator of the universe and not you.

If they’ll still reject you or belittle you, you can still walk away unscathed because you know it’s not mere man’s word they’re rejecting or belittling — if indeed it’s God Word in proper context that you’ve presented. You won’t be easily offended by the critics attacking you but rather will feel sorry for them and will know how to pray for them.

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16). Being a bible-toting scripture-quoting Christian gives you the thick skin you need to stand against criticisms (honest or not) and persecutions.

Confession #7 – My very life depends on God’s Word.
My husband and I have learned first-hand that relying on the Holy Bible gives wisdom and strength for dealing with the stresses, fears, weariness and bitterness that can result from multiple betrayals, alienation, loss and disappointments and eat away at your physical and emotional well-being. Relying on the Scriptures is the most sufficient thing that gets you through the fiery furnace un-scorched and smoke-free. Unless Your law had been my delight, I would then have perished in my affliction (Psalm 119:92).

That’s why I don’t believe you can ever be too much of a bible-toting scripture-quoting Christian — except if you purposely quote it out of context, cherry-pick scriptures according to your own preferences and ignore the rest, or possess knowledge but lack love (1 Corinthians 13:2).

That’s why I love Psalm 119. It’s interesting that the longest psalm in the Book of Psalms and also the longest chapter in the entire Bible (176 verses) has almost every single verse make some sort of reference to the all-sufficiency of God’s Word — His laws, commandments, precepts, principles, wisdom, etc. Apparently, the psalmist was an Old Testament equivalent of a modern-day bible-toting scripture-quoting follower of God, too! If I’m going to heed anybody’s example, it will be his and not someone who belittles life-preserving reliance on what “thus saith the Lord.”

I praise God for the authority, reliability and power of His written Word! And I feel sorry for anyone who complains when a fellow Christian chooses to think, live, serve and witness by it and it alone.

How has knowing or not knowing the Word of God helped or hurt your Christian life, service or witness? Please leave your comments and I will endeavor to reply as soon as I can.

A Lady First: Being a Pastor’s Wife

Reality TV makes a mockery of Christianity and I as a pastor’s wife am embarrassed and fed up. Not just for what these so-called docu-series are doing to open up our Faith to ridicule, but also for what a lot of pastors’ wives are doing in real “real life” that only perpetuates the problem.

And why do they always have to be Black, most of them? As an African-American pastor’s wife myself (okay, half, whatever), that just adds insult to injury.

True enough, TLC cancelled “The Sisterhood” (winter 2013) after only one season due to major outcry from the Christian community. But then Oxygen’s “Preachers of L.A.” came around just six months later and was popular enough to be renewed for a second season. Plus, I hear there are to be spin-offs in other major cities like Atlanta and Detroit. And now there’s word that a new reality show, “Preachers’ Exes,” is shopping for a network channel.

Overall, these shows and the professing Christians on them are embarrassing and misleading. Not all pastors are about the bling. And not all pastor’s wives are arrogant, entitled, self-centered, aloof, patronizing, untouchable, I-can-do-what-I-want-I’m-the-first-lady, got-to-be-the-best-dressed, elitist, biblically illiterate, selectively loving, gossipping busybodies.

But a lot of us are.

I’m not saying that every pastor’s wife on “The Sisterhood” and “Preachers of L.A.” are all of these things. I don’t know any of them personally (being among the Facebook friends of a couple of them doesn’t count). On the show, some were worse than others and, thankfully, two or three of them weren’t really any of these things (except biblically illiterate).

But the majority of these women represent a lot of pastors’ wives who covet the title and position of “first lady in the church” (a long-held tradition in the Apostolic and other churches predominantly in the African-American community) — often being groomed for it from the time they were little girls. And it’s to the ultimate detriment of the local church and the women, especially the young women, who aspire to be just like them.

Special attention and favor do inevitably come with being married to the most visible and respected person in the local church. The problem is when pastors’ wives get all caught up in the hype instead of gently resisting the congregation’s natural tendency to put them on a pedestal. Allowing yourself to be called “First Lady” in the first place is the beginning of that problem. (Read my Why I’m Reluctant page and Name Calling page to see why I would even dare call myself that in the title of this blog.)

I’m thinking about two examples. First is Myesha Chaney, married to Pastor Wayne Chaney of Antioch Church of Long Beach, California, featured on “Preachers of L.A.” (See my post Naming Names for the biblical basis for why I would, well, name names.) Part of their storyline was that he needed a second in command and she wanted the job. When he hesitated, partly because the church board was against the nepotism and partly because of his own concerns about whether she could balance it with motherhood and her other existing responsibilities, she started crying. Her husband then, um, submitted.

Not to belittle Mrs. Chaney’s real feelings, but with all due respect, I wouldn’t feel secure at a church where it seems that: 1) the second in command is easily moved to tears when she doesn’t get her way; 2) the senior pastor is easily moved by those tears because it’s his wife; 3) the senior pastor’s wife shows such lack of trust in and Godly compliance with his leadership of her, their family and their church; and 4) the senior pastor submits to his wife and not the other way around when it comes to a major matter of the church, which makes me wonder how much she was maybe already kind of running things behind the scenes before this and at the church family’s expense.

This is even before I mention the fact that God did not ordain for women to be in authority over men in the first place. But that’s another article (or two) for another time.

The second example is Lady Bridget Hilliard, wife of Pastor I.V. Hilliard of New Light Christian Center in Houston, Texas. For her 50th birthday a few years ago, the church’s website had a microsite inviting people to her party for a $100 per person admission price. The party planning committee even included a list of suggested gift ideas, making it plain that Mrs. Hilliard deserved nothing less than “monetary gifts, designer handbags (Gucci, Chanel and Louis Vitton) and gift certificates (Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue, Escade).” (Houston Press article, February 9, 2006). Mrs. Hilliard was already driving a Bentley with the license plate, “Mrs. Attitude.” (Guess what her husband’s said.) Enough said.

That party’s old news by now, of course, and I read the microsite was taken down shortly after the Houston Press article came out. What I have not read anywhere is whether or not the Hilliards ever apologized for it or retracted that gifts list. I’m not saying they never did apologize; I’m just saying, in all the reading I did do in my research, I didn’t read anything that said they had.

Maybe now I’m the one who sounds arrogant, elitist, unloving and gossipy. And jealous. Let me briefly address all that. It’s important you know my heart before I continue.

Firstly, am I arrogant or elitist? See my Who She Think She Is? page. Anything I think I know is not because I think I have any superior insight or privileged wisdom. All I have is the same degree of access to reality shows and The Word Network, the Internet and Google, and — most importantly of all — the Holy Bible as anybody else; and I have been given the same basic degree of intelligence, common sense and potential ability to discern as most people; and I am therefore no more capable than anybody else to just, simply, make reasonable observations about things and evaluate how those things measure up against the test of the final authority of God’s Word.

Indeed, this very blog is intended, not to prove anything about myself, but to prove that all of us have the ability to think for ourselves about our Faith and our churches. This, in spite of the fact that, as I’ve said elsewhere, it’s going to ruffle some feathers in a lot of church hats. If that’s what it takes, so be it.

Am I gossiping? No, because I’m only talking about what was done publicly, and my assessment of it is my personal opinion based on my comparison of it against the Scriptures. I’m not addressing anything that isn’t already public knowledge.

Am I being unloving. No, because telling truthful observations about someone and loving them are not mutually exclusive. If they put themselves out there (on television and their websites), as long as I’m not calling them out their name or slandering (lying about) them, then no one can conclude I don’t love them. Am I aware what I’m saying could hurt their or their followers’ feelings and therefore that’s how I could be unloving? No, even then, my hope is that those women and their followers will be ultimately helped out of this faulty and potentially dangerous way of thinking in the church. Any short-term hurt is outweighed by that long-term goal. And that long-term goal is very loving, indeed.

Am I jealous? Hmm. Jealous of what? Material things? Status? Attention? Prominence? Popularity? If my focus were on me, if I were a “first lady” and a “Mrs. Attitude” like Bridget Hilliard, then of course being jealous and competitive would come with the territory. But I don’t want the title “First Lady.” Calling myself “Mrs. Davis” is plenty satisfying enough, thank you very much.

Furthermore, I don’t covet material things and all the rest. Sure, I like nice things, and sure, who doesn’t like at least a little attention. But these are things the carnal man desires, while God says that life does not consist in the abundance of one’s possessions (Luke 12:15), don’t store up for yourselves treasures on earth (Matthew 6:19), and be content (1 Timothy 6:6-8). In other words, balance. Biblical balance. I love and fear Almighty God too much, and my burden to warn Christian women is too heavy (see 2 Timothy 3:6), for me to be secretly pining for whatever those “First Ladies” have that I don’t have.

Here’s why I’m embarrassed and fed up with the whole “First Lady in the church” thing — whether it’s a pastor’s wife’s title or just her attitude:

Too many “First Ladies” fail to see that being a pastor’s wife is a privilege, not an entitlement. It’s a calling, not a status level. It’s a position of support and service, not of being served. It’s an opportunity for you to bless, not control. It’s about modeling a pricelessly adorned spirit, not the latest Gucci handbag. It’s a responsibility to give God all the glory, not share His glory with your husband and yourself. They fail to see it, and like sheep being led astray, their congregations fail to see it, too.

I’ve been a pastor’s wife for more than 21 years. With all of its perks come a lot of pitfalls, this I know first-hand. That’s why I also know, don’t seek to be a pastor’s wife unless you know you’re called by God. Be careful what you ask for, because if your pastor husband is going to do his job right, you as his biggest supporter and disciple are going to have to do your job right.

That means, first lady, you’re going to have to endure a lot of sacrifice, scrutiny, tests and trials, second-guessing, attacks on your marriage and family, hurt and pain, and loneliness. The fruits of the Spirit — love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 6:22-24) — will have to be in operation on double-time. And let me throw in Galatians 6:26 for good measure: “Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying one another.”

Of course, being a pastor’s wife also means being blessed to serve and help, to see the fruit of your labor in teaching and guiding your precious sisters and young women (Titus 2:3-5), and first and foremost being a fitting helpmate to your husband’s work in his ministry witnessing to lost souls and discipling believers into growing in their Faith.

In short, don’t seek after being a “first lady.” Be a “lady first.” (Thank you for that, Brother Lawrence E. Webb.)

A “lady first” is a woman (pastor’s wife or not) after God’s own heart. First.

Then it’s the heart of her husband, then her children (yes, after the husband), then the people in the church, then the larger community. Like the Proverbs 31 woman (verses 10-31), such a lady is content with her husband and children giving her honor even if no one else ever does (cf. verses 28-29). Moreover, it’s her good deeds — not her title, position, possessions or fashion style — that garner admiration outside her home (verses 30-31).

Similarly, a “lady first” strives to do what women are instructed in Titus 2:3-5: be mindful of their awesome responsibility to younger women, live holy lives, avoid idolatry, don’t gossip, teach biblical things, be level-headed, love and yield to their husbands, prefer and nurture their children, and make the home a pleasant, well-managed and healthy refuge for the family and guests.

Actually, verse 5 of Titus 2 is the only place in the Bible where it tells women in particular to not open up the Word of God to be blasphemed — maligned, cheapened, dishonored, discredited. How did/do most of the pastors’ wives on “The Sisterhood,” “Preachers of L.A.” and those you know or heard of personally, publicly live out that clear admonition?

Being a pastor’s wife called by God and not your ego, calls for being a lady first. And being a lady first, well, that’s hard enough as it is, I have to admit! (Or is it just me?!) It’s a constant striving already to be the Proverbs 31/Ephesians 5/Titus 2/1 Peter 3 woman even without the added responsibility of supporting a husband’s ministry.

But being a lady first, more than being a first lady, is what is most beautiful in the eyes of your husband, your children, your fellow church members and, most importantly of all, your Heavenly Father.

I welcome your comments and will respond as soon as I can.

I’m Afraid of the Dark

I’m afraid of the dark. Not the kind that keeps little children awake at night, hiding under the covers.  The dark I’m talking about is real and is causing great harm to Christians, our families and our churches. 

The dark I’m talking about is spiritual darkness that saturates the world around us and has been seeping into our churches for generations, but today seems to be spreading like wildfire among us, and even within us, at an alarming rate.  

We do need to be aware and awake about it, not hiding under the covers from it but being vigilant against it. 

I think of what the Apostle Paul said at least three times in his second letter to the Christian church in Corinth – a bustling metropolis in his day that was very much like Los Angeles and other major cities around the world today. 

At least three times Paul told them, “I am afraid.”

First, he said he was afraid that the Corinthian Christians were falling for false doctrine (2 Corinthians 11:3-4). Then later he said he was afraid about their attitudes and lifestyles — specifically, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder (12:20). Then he said he was afraid he would find them in unrepentent impurity, sexual sin and debauchery (12:21). 

In all three instances, if I can say it this way, the Apostle Paul was afraid of the dark. 

He recognized the shadowy influences of the world – the lack of discernment, false doctrine, pride, lack of repentance, lack of self-control, and shameful carnality – that had found their way into the Corinthian church and the hearts of many of its members.  These things reveal spiritual darkness in any heart and church where it is tolerated.

Like Paul, we need to fight against it.

How?  First, by not being afraid of it like naïve little children who think putting the covers over our heads makes it go away, and by not being so ignorant or so self-absorbed into our own prosperity to think it’s those folks’ business or problem and not ours. 

Second, by letting the light of Jesus Christ shine brightly through us to the rest of the church and the world. 

In other words, let the Son shine!

The more that people and churches let their pastors shine, or their self-appointed apostles, or their ministries, or their contest-winning choirs, or their material wealth, or their vast memberships, or their “new revelations,” or their doctrinal “movements,” or their favorite talk show idols; and the more they tolerate marital infidelity, and financial manipulations, and back-biting, and deception, and heresy; and the more they put victims in bondage about forgiving without accountability, the less they shine the light of Christ to hurting, backsliding or fearful Christians, or to lost and dying souls. 

On the other hand, the more we fight against the darkness by trying to let the Son, Jesus Christ, shine through us – by our humility, brotherly love, sincere worship, good stewardship, biblical knowledge, Spirit-led wisdom, chaste lifestyles, edifying dialogues, sound doctrine, careful counseling, and good deeds – the more our precious, dark-destroying Lord will be glorified!

Do you think spiritual darkness has seeped into today’s Christian churches? To leave a comment, click on the article title or the number next to the comments icon just under the title, and then scroll down to the end.